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1.4 | What have you learned/observed about your mindfulness of listening and speaking (MOLS) practice?
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My MOLS practice requires my regular mindfulness practice to be solid. I’ve been able to see triggers to my own unresolved issues during mindfulness listening that are unrelated to the topic nor the fault of the speaker. I see that some of these triggers and emotions carry on even when the conversation is complete. I see myself needing more time or longer pauses in a conversation which the normal mindfulness helps give me courage to give myself that space and self compassion.It is not easy at all but ive found them extremely helpful in that when i carry on these unresolved emotions/triggers it affects the next task I am working on. It almost becomes like I’m multitasking unresolved emotions. The RAIN really helps with these unresolved emotions. It took a lot of time and mental energy initially, but it has gotten easier with practice.
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Being unable to work at present, I’ve had few recent opportunities to practice MOLS with colleagues. What few opportunities I have had included technical problem solving sessions, training sessions (as the trainer), and technical consults with pro bono clients.
I quickly learned that bringing MOLS to a meeting focussed on technical problem solving is HARD! I found myself “switching” modes: from being mindful to being absorbed in the subject matter (and completely unaware of self). I struggled to maintain presence of body and process technical details concurrently; I could either achieve one or the other, but not both.
As a beginner, this led me to reflect on the ease and appropriateness of practicing MOLS in different situations. I look forward to practicing MOLS in more varied contexts, with individual team members, once I return to regular work. Of note, I did find it much easier to successfully practice MOLS in our group sessions—in a space that feels supportive and safe—and, where I’m aware that others are practicing MOLS, too.
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I noticed how hard it is! My habits are not conducive to this, which makes me all the more aware of how unhelpful my habits during meetings are.
I have been working with this a lot over the last two weeks and grateful for it.
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It reminds me to pause before responding or reacting. This has noticeably reduced my own frustration and has given staff a better opportunity to speak their own minds and come to their own conclusions. I feel this pause has an opportunity to open space to build better relations with staff and other colleagues, because they feel more comfortable to share during this silent pause. It’s also helped me to become aware of the false sense of urgency that tends to catch us, and remind myself that there is time, this urgency is only a figment of my imagination.
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When I am engaged in practicing mindful listening I have witnessed a slowing down of my heart rate and a brightening of colors. Suggestions from others seem plausible. When I drift away (which is often), I am immediately in my head. Suggestions from others can feel unreasonable.
When I am speaking in a mindful practice, it feels as if the path from head to mouth is slower and that it passes through the heart on the way…allowing me the moment to assess “Is this helpful?’
When I am not, the words come out before they leave the cortex. No stopping for evaluation.This is different for me. I am so grateful to be in the noticing.
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The opportunity to listen with compassion is a skill, and each time that I use it, my mind is able to access the empathy side. My reflections also seem to be magnified, because the compassion side is active.
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I decided to practice MOLS in a few digital meetings at my work where I used the unmute button with intention. This allowed me to focus on mindfulness of the body and to transition with intention. I noticed devaluing comments from others that previously would have gone unrecognised, or perhaps I disembodied it from my experience before. After one meeting I noticing feelings of upset and anger. MOLS allowed me to recognize what actually was happening and had transpired. It became easier to let it go after work, and to decide when to speak in a meeting. The MOLS practice made it easier to focus on my work and my role in the meetings.
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This upped my presence more than I expected, and I found enjoyment in a meeting that would normally be very boring for me.
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This has been harder than I expected. At first I have found either the MOLS practice or the conversation distracting from each other, but I can see with more practice they will feel more integrated.
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As with everything, there is always room to grow. I much prefer listening (my natural preference), and my current state of uncertainty makes it also a bigger challenge to speak. But change happens through exchange, enabled by a dialogue of speaking and listening. I am working to grow my attention to action/reaction through speech/listening and how that is carried in my body, the space between stimulus and response, trying to expand the space between these to open up and hold more space. The body as tuning fork has been a very helpful metaphor (especially to the ears of a musician).
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Residing in my body helps me find ease, alleviates distraction so that I’m able to listen without a side story. It’s much more interesting this way.
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I’ve noticed that the more I practice, with intention, feeling my hands and feet and butt-against-chair while listening (and, to a lesser degree, while speaking) in meetings, that this practice becomes more and more a default setting to how I engage with others in my organizations.
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My biggest challenge has been the cognitive challenge of being “bodyful” while listening and especially speaking. It’s hard enough for me to listen intently without tuning in to what’s going on inside of me and understand how my body is receiving/reacting to what’s being said. I imagine this gets better with practice so that the cognitive overhead minimizes.
The other challenge, is remembering to do it. I’m in need of a prompt that will help me return to the practice. I have a rubber band around my wrist that is meant to help bring the practice back.
That said, when I do catch myself not doing it, I am very kind to myself and took the advice of celebrating the notification.
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I am really committed to more listening — that means not doing other things while others are talking and sharing – not checking emails, not on the web, not trying to multitask but to be more present, even in this virtual space. it makes a difference. I want to do it more and it is demanding me to be more diligent and protective of my non-screen/non-meeting time.
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What I have learned about my MOLS practice so far is how challenging it is for me to slow down and be comfortable with longer gaps of reflection (after listening and before/while speaking). I spontaneously entered an industry zoom chat with a room full of “strangers” earlier this week, all women from entertainment living in Los Angeles. They were on a wavelength I am not currently on and through my MOLS practice, it felt like a fun exercise to come in with groundedness and practice intent listening and mindfulness of speech. I noticed the room open up with curiosity as the pace, topic and depth of conversation shifted with each of our interactions.
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