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1.4 | What have you learned/observed about your mindfulness of listening and speaking (MOLS) practice?
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as a therapist, I learned to practice mindfulness of listening and speaking. that is what therapists are doing when they interact with clients in therapy sessions….we listen, we respond as compassionately and congruently as we can…this takes mindfulness and awareness. in leadership situations, trying to translate this skill to leadership situations…seems to entail being aware and then making a deliberate choice. “I am going to be mindful in this sitatuion”…breathing helps here…when i remember to breathe, I experience presence and space and am able to “be with” the others
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I notice that I am still very judgmental and have a strong desire to give advice or express my opinion. I am often distracted too.
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I have to be a mindful listener as part of my job, or I will miss vital clues that will help me proceed appropriately. When I say to myself “Oh, I am going to really focus on mindfully listening..” the object becomes the focus of mindful listening, and I actually hear less. So I abandoned the TASK of mindful listening, but try to keep it front and center as a nudge toward mindfulness of the task at hand.
The problem is abandoning the task oriented mindful listening (I am paid by a client to solve a problem and I have to listen to the case history to effect a solution), and move into the relational mindful listening–meaning listening to someone for which no solution is desired or appropriate. This, then, becomes more challenging.
Mindfulness of speaking = right speech = 8F path = much harder. best to say nothing if I am in an emotive state until I have thought it all through. Oftentimes it is not possible to think it all through and so an opportunity to say some thing necessary could be lost. Difficult conversations == something to work on.
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I have been doing deeper listening and have been more aware of my energy as I listen. I am not just listening to respond, but listening to better understand which opens up curiosity which is always helpful in building relationships.
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In a work situation, I sometimes feel active listening needs to be followed by a well articulated solution or a response that clearly echoes what I’ve just heard. Within my practice, I’ve become more accepting of the silence that follows the act of listing and satisfied with responses that speak to the heart or moment, staying true to who I am.
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I have practiced this most with my family. My kids and my partner have all had big things come up in the last few months and I have to say that I am a much more present listener than I was at the end of august. My own anxieties about listening and speaking were impacting my relationships in ways I could not see until I slowed down enough with this practice and with the loving kindness practices. I feel more capable and am building trust with my ability to “lead” by slowing down my own pace and therefore the pace of the conversation so that there is more spaciousness for me and for my loved ones. I have set up weekly times to check in with them which has made a big difference. If I set aside and devote time I am able to show up clearer and with more of the MOLS on-line within me.
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When I’ve spent time outdoors, when I’ve meditated, when I’ve done some spiritual reading, when I’ve eaten nourishing foods — it feels like I have an effortless and endless capacity to listen with loving awareness, and respond from a clear and compassionate place. In contrast, on the days when I’m not honoring my practice or needs, it’s challenging to be fully present, and as spacious as I’d like to be. Staying devoted to a self-care practice is well worth the effort! And I think the people I encounter would agree. 🙂
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The ability to learn and observe is not a given. It happens through the practice of stillness and silence. Learning how to listen in on oneself, is one of the gifts of the practice. The ears are given space to hear and to listen, which means not to be in a hurry. From the foundation of listening, the voice is able to deliver the words 0f insight, knowledge and wisdom. The two (Listening/Speaking) work in conjunction, as in the unity of mind/brain and body; in tune, and in the time of unison.
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MLOS has reminded me of the importance of the body when listening.I am an empathetic listener but often revert to advice giving or fixing, especially when working with students. While it’s a natural part of my role, students can often find their own solutions when they feel heard and supported. When I move away from mindful listening and presence, my body alerts me by tensing and straining forward. Paying attention to has helped me bring myself back to presence and stillness.
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I am recognizing that at times when I am listening mindfully and feel a response is needed, the response can be at attempt to create a feeling of safety or being-heard for the other person, rather than a true response from my deep presence. I am working to recognize when I am responding in a pro-forma way rather than from a mindful and still space.
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This course really helped me hone in on the need to focus intently when others are speaking which is hard on zoom! I really have to limit my number of zoom calls so I can be sure that the ones i do participate in that I can be more focused. It’s so much easier to be mindful when in person for me.
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It’s difficult to remember to stay embodied during MOLS – easier to do during listening, but much harder while speaking. Also seems more difficult when the topic is interesting b/c my mind gets carried off by the ideas that are captivating me. However, when I am able to stay in my body, I have more of a chance to feel relaxed and complete in myself which softens the compulsion to come up with something to say in the next moment. It’s difficult to maintain, and requires intentionality and willpower to remind myself to go back to my body again and again.
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