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1.5 | What have you learned/observed about your relational presence in regard to these qualities (confidence-humility, precision-flexibility, stillness-sparkliness)?
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I’ve observed that how I come to conversations or situations impacts how others react and connect to each other and current circumstances.
Where I am struggling, is if I should be purely mindful of how I am coming into situations or if I should augment my relational presence to do what I think may better support a situation. For example, sometimes I am feeling still, quite, and more internally connected but know that if I communicate and act with ‘sparkliness’ it may better boost morale and interactions.
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I found this really interesting and useful. I noted that I have a pretty flexible style and do tend to use most of these modes (with a preference for humility). I think I am ok at deploying them in the appropriate situation but I am not doing it intentionally in terms of when I use what or how. When I decided I was going to be precise (reviewing research data) using the deliberate model though my movements and speech helped me stay in flow. I can see that thinking about these modes intentionally could help me a lot in terms of deciding what the situation and others need rather than just feeling it, and also practicing these modes so I can use them when they are needed, particularly in more formal situations.
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I’ve found it interesting the traits that appear stronger/weaker when in meetings with different groups of people and my position within those groups of people. IE. Working within my function, I often have more relational presence of confidence, vs. working outside of my function, I’ll lean towards humble. Thinking through my choices of qualities to lean into/lean away from in different situations.
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My biggest growth edge is with flexibility. Flexibility as it is described here, in relationship to precision AND flexibility with allowing myself to be more vulnerable and come across with ‘less confidence’ and more humanness. Allowing myself to be vulnerable and ‘sparkly’ applies too. In this past learning period, however, it has been the precision that I’ve become most curious with and trying to acknowledge how my precision gets in the way of connection and/or allowing other possibilities to arise.
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I realized I could offer a range of “presence” for my coaching clients or when I do a job interview or give a presentation. This has given me more trust and belief in myself and has empowered me to be more myself in front of others even in “work situations.” I am reminded I am not just one thing but that I can move on a spectrum when I feel stuck or dull during my conversations and in my relationships.
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Intentionally showing up in these ways influences the tone and engagement level of interactions. I’ve found it relatively easy over my career to gauge a room and/or set the tone using these qualities. I feel very comfortable shifting or pivoting, and this practice has led me to be aware of how I do that. Prior to this, I never really thought about these qualities, it seemed to just come naturally. I find myself observing how others use these qualities and how it influences the dynamic.
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Very little came up for me on this question. To begin, I found the polarities slightly flawed or perhaps found it challenging to inhabit them. How is it that confidence and humility are on opposite poles? Most minutes of most days I am confident of all that I do know while simultaneously humble to all that I know I don’t know. Further, arbitrarily channeling–as an example–sparkle rang hollow and felt insincere. Perhaps I missed something here.
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I lean towards sparkliness and in order to be still have to really slow down, come into my body and be quite intentional. I also lean towards humility and want to practice more confidence in my achievements, skills and impact.
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This topic sparked the most thought and contemplation. I have found that I most often lead with sparkliness so I’ve really been playing around with being aware of when I show up that way and if it is the most appropriate given the circumstances. I can see ways in which it serves me and other ways in which when I show up that way it’s not congruent with how I actually feel. I can and do show up in the other ways but I’d like to practice with it more consciously and really observe when one way of being will serve me in the circumstances best.
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It’s been a weird few weeks, so sparkliness definitely hasn’t been at play during any of my meetings. I did recognize flexibility in a meeting I had this week. We had to give our team a name, and I was pretty much ok with whatever the group decided. However, I am unsure if that’s truly flexible or just not caring because I had little interest in naming.
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When I demonstrated humility, it created space for team members to speak up. When I demonstrated flexibility, it encouraged team members to share half-baked ideas, which triggered exchange of thoughts among each other. When I demonstrated sparkliness, it encouraged team members to take on challenging goals with giggles. I have the power to nurture the positive spirit and the growth mindset of the team.
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I can be much more intentional about what I need to emphasize during meetings and conversations. I’m putting a note in my calendar to give myself five minutes to center myself before meetings–and being more comfortable with saying that I’m not available for back-to-back-to-back meetings.
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All areas feel easiest for me when I place myself in a position of humility during MOLS. I am more confident in not knowing and asking questions, I can be more precise with my speech, decision making is more flexible and creative and my “sparkle/stillness” poles are more appropriately applied. I’m interested in exploring humility more.
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I feel like I use my ability to mimic true confidence to the detriment of genuine connection. This is somewhat confusing for me as I am someone who deeply values genuine bids for connection and find offerings of vulnerability to be a beautiful way to connect.
In terms of humility, recognizing the desire to have all the answers and to move away from that has been important.
Precision and flexibility have been larger overarching struggles in my life and continue to be so. I find it very difficult to relax without going overboard and not pursuing even the things that are for my highest good. I find this also very difficult to work with in my work and organizing capacities as I often find myself saying yes to things I don’t want to do which builds resentment, but I am also not flexible either.
I have felt through this course that by focusing more intently on moments of stillness I have been able to tap back into more of my true sparkliness as well!
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It was an interesting challenge to meet one-to-one with someone I did not know yet knowing we were here with a purpose–learning and growing. Another challenge was to consider and keep in mind the specific task at hand, psychological and verbal postures of specific qualities. How to translate into physical behaviors and verbal communications each dyad? How to express them myself and perceiving my partner doing the same in turn. I found the Stillness-Sparkliness the most challenging to express in the moment, and I was the most critical in analyzing how my partner expressed these qualities. I became aware that stillness is a whole body state, words are minimal, it’s grounding. Sparkliness involves both, body and verbal expression, but it can become an act, a performance, not real, a lot of movement and high pitch voice without a center. Very challenging!
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