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1.5 | What have you learned/observed about your relational presence in regard to these qualities (confidence-humility, precision-flexibility, stillness-sparkliness)?
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I’ve found that I tend to lean on one side of each of these pairings and will need conscious practice to improve. These listed qualities provide so much more flexibility and range in communication that i never see in my work place despite being in what should be one of the more fast pace and flexible work space.
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Confidence-Humility: Of all the dynamics we have practiced, this is the one that feels most natural to me, and is something I have mindfully and intentionally practiced over many years. For me, these aspects are two sides of the same coin. I love that it was part of our practice!
Stillness-Sparkliness: I recognize that my natural state defaults heavily to “sparkliness,” even when trying not to! I’ve recognized this as an area to work on, as I can see opportunities in mindfully leaning into stillness when the occasion calls for it.
Precision-Flexibility: I have found it challenging to bring both sides of this dynamic to the same encounter. Naturally I tend to lean into either one or the other, depending on the focus of our interaction (for example, creative ideation vs technical problem solving). This has led me to consider:
– In what ways can precision benefit concept/creative ideation?
– In what ways can flexibility benefit technical problem solving? -
I never came to find this language or these frames to be helpful. Something about me could not connect to them.
But, I did take away a related meta-point, to ask myself before each meeting (and within each meeting) what is needed here? What part of myself can I most usefully bring forward. I have found working with this helpful.
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All of the qualities have a home and a fit in almost all conversations. They bring uplifting, calming, strong, open energies.
When we first did the process I had a judgement that one was more important than the other.
I am digging noticing that if I listen with my body AND my ears, I can feel a smidge of where one vs another can help bring positivity to the discussion.
This is teaching me discernment in a new way. -
There is a quality which is illusive in relational presence, and that is confidence-humility. Because my mind always wants to help someone who is in need, the ego races ahead, and the thinking is that I can save or rescue someone. Of course, the practice of zazen helps with this. When sitting, stillness-sparkliness comes alive. When the mind is wrapped in silence and stillness,the sense of presence captures the attention. This takes me away from the ego, and the true presence takes over. With precision-flexibility, while sitting,the mind is able to grasp the momentary.
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I focused more on MOLS and mindfulness of the body in relational interactions. It was interesting to notice tension, or dissociation, or the automatic interpersonal responses in different situations.
In my professional role I feel a bit too much humility, flexibility and sparkliness are my natural stances, and my goal would be to be more conscious in standing more in confidence, using more precise language, and sit more in stillness. When I practiced MOLS I noticed I used humor to defuse tension or deliver a message “with sparkliness,” but that this undermined some of my precision and confidence when advocating for a topic as a leader.
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To be honest, I forgot about this part of the practice. Thinking back, I interviewed a candidate for a job with both stillness and sparkliness present and the balance felt very effective.
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I rely more heavily on humility than confidence. I perceive moments when I can carry both confidence and humility together and not lean on only one at a time. I rely more on flexibility than precision. With people I don’t know well, I rely more on sparkle than stillness. With people I do know well I rely more on stillness than sparkle. It would be a benefit to some relationships if I could put more effort into bringing sparkle to deeper relationships more often.
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Despite eroded confidence, this exercise forced me to identify “confidence” in my recent decision to resign from a leadership position because of bullying. I wouldn’t have pegged my decision to resign as “confidence,” yet reframing it in those terms illuminated a kind of strength in vulnerability. Generally I feel more inclined toward humility and appreciated observing my body leading me to identify registers of agency. Flexibility is my inclination, while I value precision in my work ethic. Stillness and sparkle arise equally in different contexts, yet sparkle can both energize and exhaust me. The exercise usefully examines the space between. More practice lies ahead. While I am presently not able to apply this particular exercise to work situations, just being aware of these dualities (akin to two sides of the same coin) invites awareness of each in relation and transition, all embodied (going back to mindfulness of the body), akin to: “How can we know the dancer from the dance?” This awareness feels like an opening toward more awarenesses.
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I live in all of these places, but spend more time in some of them. I’m working on finding a more equal balance between them while still remaining authentic.
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I’ve been thinking a great deal about precision-flexibility, as I tend to lean towards precision. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been approaching leading meetings at my Agency with a more spacious flexibility, exercising with intent “Beginner’s Mind” and seeing what happens. Thus far, I’ve heard from colleagues that they’ve seen a shift in my approach, and appreciate it!
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I struggle with confidence in many parts of my life — and always far more revered the qualities of humility — i think the realizations are SLOWLY emerging that these energies have usefulness and value in many parts of our life. My preference of what is less threatening and what is more acceptable for me a brown woman — veers towards the humility, flexibility, stillness paradigms. It has left me less capable in the other parts of the range. I want to build that into my approach to life.
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Part of the work for me that came out of the first wisdom circle involved looking at an old low self esteem wound that was getting triggered by a work situation. I continued to process this issue and in so doing met up with my arrogance which is the “flip” of low self esteem. I worked with these both and was able to transform and do some healing. Transforming and healing this wound took me to a natural boost of energy-and a natural feeling of ease and confidence. I enjoy playing with confidence and humility. It emerged quite a bit during this time as I worked on a project with my managers; leading them into new territory with confidence and then asking them for help with the project with humility. We created a new workflow that will benefit many. This project also involved playing precision/flexibility because it entailed working with important details and at same time being flexible to create a new way of doing a process in our organization. very refreshing to approach problem solving with my team in such a postiive way. Stillness very important when working with debriefing with mental health teams who are processing client suicides. And the need for sparkle when giving a talk/presentatipn to a large group of people. both energies are essential. comfort with moving back and forth
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I am comfortable with using both polarities of each.
Sometimes when things are not flowing, it is a sign to me to use the other end of the polarity. For example, if I am too flexible and not holding a boundary and nothing happens, I may need to get focused and detail oriented to make sense of a problem or situation and communicate effectively.
I use my emotions a lot in my work and use my emotions to assess how to relate effectively. of course, sometimes i am off ! -
I have already replied to this.
Don’t know why it keeps coming up.
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