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2.1 | What have you learned from / observed in your compassion cultivation meditation practice?
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I have always felt like I was never very good at holding grudges when it came to other people, but have a particularly hard time forgiving myself or showing compassion towards myself. As I’ve practiced, I’ve noticed that while I allow room for mistakes, for less-than-leadership and more in others, I limit myself from starting or leading by holding myself to some impossible standard, fearing that one small mistake and my reputation and trust I’ve been given will be taken away.
After noticing this, I’ve started to integrate a favorite refrain into my daily practice, “I am a part of the communities I hope to serve.” I use this as a way to remind myself that even though I feel like I know my whole story, and that I could do better with the privileges I have and the resources I have, that I too am a part of the struggle of life, the struggles of women and queer folks and black people. I too am allowed to forgive myself and understand that I am forever in process, forever a student. The same way I attempt to remove the pedestals I place other’s on so that they can remain human, I must do it for myself.
Learning how to hold disappointment with myself and others has been a large portion of my compassion practice. Accepting that no one is perfect and that means there will be harm done, intentional or not, minimal and large, has been a lot of where my compassion practice has been.
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I have maintained a daily compassion cultivation practice after having read Kristen Neff’s first book, and the power of this practice on me, and my relationships, has been so very powerful. I first had difficulty with sending compassion to myself, until I pictured myself a young child- it was at that point that it become far easier to access, and therefore practice, this critical self-care skill.
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When I catch myself being judgmental, about a situation or person, (or political party, or profession, etc.), remind myself that the person is “just like me”, and if I was in their shoes, I might do the same thing. This perspective is fostering a mind and heart that is open. And that openness is a rich soil for goodness to grow. It’s full of possibility for people.
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I know this is a bit late, but the month 2 compassion meditations really stuck with me. I actually still think about it every time I go to bed. I “pray” to everyone/anyone out there needing looking for peace and guidance in their life. Having compassion for others helps me get outside of myself and realize that we are all connected in this world.
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These practices reminded me of Joanna Hardy’s class on creating a loving heart. She begins the class acknowledging that it can be hard to do compassion practices, especially for ourselves and difficult people in our lives. She advised starting with forgiveness practice if difficulty arises. The practice asks that you sit with three inquiries: How have I harmed myself? How have I harmed others? How have others harmed me?
I revisited this practice to ease into the daily compassion practice. The combination reminded me that we’re all flawed and just here doing the best we can use what we know, feel, see and experience. And those tools and experiences are different for each of us. No right. No wrong. We just are. And things just are. It also served as a great reminder that even the difficult people in my life are very likely beloved and amazing to someone else.
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What I have learned from the compassion cultivation meditation practice is to be more mindful, tolerant, and to embrace the love of humanity in a tangible way.
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What I have learned from compassion cultivation meditation practice is to be more responsible. selfless, self sacrificing to saving more lives.
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Compassion practice has brought up a lot of questions. Nikki articulated the difference between compassion and empathy in this session, I’ve been exploring the different emotions and actions associated with each. I notice that empathy often includes some piece of ego and making myself central to the experience and compassion is often more selfless and focused on the other. Lots of reflection needed here still.
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A continued need to give myself compassion – and growth to give others more space for mistakes and simply approaching situations differently.
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I appreciate the self metta adaption, that version was new and very useful for me. The good friend and global compassion stages feels powerful and natural to me.
The four rigid stages of the metta meditation sometimes feel to strained and formulaic to me, and the neutral and difficult person segment can be flat one day and very moving the next day. To sit longer in one stage when it flows well worked better, as it allowed me to expand on the emotional spaces in more depth. The focus on the body and emotions and sensations was a new approach for me, as metta previously has seemed more rational and detached.
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Noticing how increasing the room for self-compassion also increases the ability to tap into the flow of compassion for others.
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Though cultivating compassion for others comes very easily, I have learned just how self-critical I am of myself: Not only do I find it hard to cultivate self-compassion for myself, but I also find myself judging myself for not being able to do it. However, with steady daily practice, I am beginning to see myself open up to the idea that I too deserve compassion. It’s truly a beautiful thing 🙂
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Some quotes that I’ve been thinking about lately with regard to metta practice:
“The bud stands for all things. Even for those things that don’t flower. But everything flowers from within of self blessing. Though sometimes it is necesssary to reteach a thing its loveliness. To put a hand on its brow of the flower and retell it in words and in touch it is lovely, until it flowers again from within of self blessing” -Galway Kinnell, in “Francis and the sow”
“Buddhism is similar to psychotherapy in that it restores innocence after experience” Michael Vincent Miller, in “The Zen of Therapy” by Mark Espstein
“We’re all walking each other home” – Ram Dass
In my experience, metta practice allows me to tap into another energy available to us, that is nourishing and restorative (an energy I find innate in babies and young children). Though I don’t often practice metta (my go-to is vipassana), the times when it is powerful and I am infused with metta/compassion, it seems to push all other negative mindstates out. Other times when it doesn’t seem like much is happening, I do have faith that the practice is laying seeds that’ll bear fruit later on. I love the instruction I heard on retreat some years ago to “have metta for your non-metta.” Everything that arises can be held in a warm blanket of metta which I find so comforting/assuring.
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