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3.1 | What have you learned from / observed in your formal meditation on continuing to practice mindfulness of the body and cultivate goodwill for the person with whom you are having difficulty?
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Meditation softens difficult emotions and allows me to be at ease. Through this practice, I experience more awareness of my body, the space around me and the emotions that may come and go. By doing so, I remain more present and curious about every moment. Also, I can connect with the “other” person and start to recognize that we’re interconnected. We both wish to ease our suffering.
When I wish for all living beings to experience love, joy and health, I feel as if we’re all gathering in this unison. This energy feels very healing and profound.
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I find Metta practice to be a great a great “medicine”: every time that my mind begins the day ruminating or speculating in unhelpful ways, the practice of Metta (no matter how short it is or on whom I focus) has always proved to be effective in redirecting my stream of thought. I also find that I am more capable of holding my mind’s focus on the practice (and not wonder off) when I engage in Metta compared to when I am practicing mindfulness of the body.
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I noticed that it has been much easier to keep calm and try to see the big picture, think of solutions when possible, or just let it go when there is nothing else to do.
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I’m more in tune with and aware my body sensations and emotions. I’m not having difficulties with anyone presently. I have been working with someone from the past that I don’t have contact with anymore, but still have difficult emotions around. I’ve done some healing in this process.
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I have had difficulties with people in my personal life, more than at work. I notice a feeling of heaviness in my body in the chest area and tiredness in my shoulders, especially when I start to practice. Then these sensations dissipate. When practicing metta with difficult people, I notice a resistance, a feeling of not wanting to open my heart to protect myself and not being hurt anymore. I think the way is to get away from these people a little so that the heart can open up at a distance.
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What I’ve learned most is that things are ALWAYS changing. Some days I feel calm, in my body, and practicing goodwill comes easy. On other days I feel the complete opposite. When I am struggling I often got caught up in the mindset that it will always be like this. That is not true, and through this practice I’ve found to trust the ebs and flows, knowing that the challenges I am struggling with will leave…and likely come back again.
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I have learned that I love the way this makes me feel. I am healing and I am growing. I am deeper into my observations of my difficult conversation opportunities. The shift from blame, rightness and story to curiosity, wonder and inclusion is quite foreign, but I am all in. This is a whole new field of flowers to lay in.
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I have learned that when it comes to difficulties I have with others my body reacts by recreating chaos even if it isn’t really there. When internally my sense of safety is threatened, my body starts to shake and reacts in irrational ways as a response to PTSD. I am learning and it will be a lifelong journey to practice that I can find space in that body response and that I can challenge myself in that space and it is okay. It is not comfortable but I cannot heal if I don’t invite those parts in when they arise.
Now, that doesn’t mean I can’t introduce tools to self-regulate and take breaks or step back to take care of myself at times where I need to hold space for it but as I do it the body response to feelings of unsafety gets more manageable. I can call in the overwhelm and trust that there is space to handle it even if it feels really overwhelming. Community, meditation, non-violent communication, and prayer have helped me a lot with creating that space that no longer shuts off body reactions and that helps me cultivate goodwill for myself. And only from that place I can develop goodwill towards people I’m having difficulty with because doing it for myself is incredibly hard and humbling. So it is about mutuality and holding presence in the body when challenged first in my experience. Only from holding space for my own difficulty I can truly see the other and relate.
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I have a daily meditation practice that I have been committed to for many years. It serves me well. The discipline of practicing helps when I begin to feel lazy about it….what always helps me is the fact that my day goes much better when I begin with mindful meditation practice…I learned this over time 🙂
Practicing METTA for a difficult person …I learned long time ago the “miraculous” transformational ability of Metta practice with folks with whom I am having difficulty. Time and time again I have found this most profound practice to work for me and for the other! This time, I am practicing Metta with two individuals. This practice seems to create a “buffer” zone of compassion and well being between myself and the other, which, in turn, allows for mutual respect and clear or clearer communication to emerge. But I have to continually work on it with these two. the challenges with them are intense. And I also have had to be compassionate and kind to myself when I “forget” the metta practice and difficulty emerges. it takes time. It is taking time. And I am learning that the Metta for them also helps me. And Metta for me, helps me practice it for them. -
Metta practice definitely helps when I’m impatient or stressed. I am holding a specific person who I’m really angry with this week in mind.
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Sitting in a metta meditation focused on cultivating goodwill has definitely brought a clear sense of connection with the other being. I see them and our shared humanity. And I feel my resistance melt away. The trick, for me, has then been to carry this with me outside of the meditation experience—entering conversations with both empathy and honesty about my feelings (a la ‘difficult conversations’). This is very much a work in progress, and I experimented with this in a difficult work conversation last week. Ultimately, we ended up with the outcome I had intended—with shared understanding, from an authentic and honest place.
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I’ve found it challenging to commit to 20-30 min sessions every day these past weeks, however, even just a 10 minute session is bringing a welcome “reset” and level of calm and perspective to my days. Outside of meditation, I find myself reflecting on the expression of goodwill for those who I have difficulty with.
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I have reflected often on Kuan Yin’s prayer for the abuser since it was shared with the group. I’ve found this really helpful in this practice.
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I have learned that this brings me a certain feeling – the best way I can think of describing it is “a softness.” I notice I can more easily get to a calmer place within my body. I think the reminder and practice to deeply understand (and speak) from the other person’s perspective is very helpful.
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This is a difficult practice for me, and requires a lot of consistency. I find myself trying to avoid thinking about this person because it brings up the details of the challenges…and I suppose the practice should begin with attempting to soften this avoidance and then invite compassion. With regard to mindfulness of the body, I notice what I’d expect: tightness throughout my body, tightness in my throat, and rumination. It helps to have several minutes of awareness of the breath and body before getting into a metta practice.
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