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3.3 | How might you utilize what you read in the chapter “Depend on Others” from Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader?
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It made a lot of sense to me and the way I live. I have the practice of thinking collectively, and truly believe that “happiness is only real when shared”.
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I have to be honest that I was not able to read the whole chapter yet. I’m still reading it. So far what I read felt very true and what came to mind is how the pandemic has showed us how in fact we depend on others and are interconnected. It has shown me that I not only need others for all the basic things, but I need others to feel human, to connect and hug.
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Reading this chapter was a breath of fresh air and something I deeply needed at the time…I read it during a work lunch break after a stressful morning. I consider myself very much a ‘doer.’ I like to get things done and I don’t like bothering people to help or support me. This is not sustainable and something that has been more and more evident to me as my career progresses and I take on additional responsibilities. The Marin Zen center example was very impactful for me. I often feel very guilty asking people to pick up certain tasks, especially if they aren’t considered to be enjoyable. I do all of this based on assumptions too. This article helped me to realize that I need to ask for help and trust that others want to support me just as I want to support them. It’s a relationship and depending is key in the success of work done both separately and together.
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As a reminder of how depending on others is essential to leadership roles. That is paired with a deeper understanding of work styles and the pause needed to get perspective when facing challenges but I can always trust not only others but myself and the fact that more is always being revealed. It helped me step out of urgency and consider the many aspects of a group and what it means to work with others. It supported me to develop trust within myself and how I can contribute rather than what I can take.
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I really enjoyed this chapter; the focus on interdependence and interconnectedness of all of us speaks to me in deep way. As a leader, stepping forward and taking responsibiLity is essential. However, this needs to be balanced with “sharing” the load and working as a team with the staff and managers that I supervise and manage.
I thrive with team building activities and working with my managers. THey are subject matter experts in the worlds they manage AND THE WORK they do. I enjoy coaching, empowering, and listening. Last week, one of my projects, was recognized in a publication of SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration); this was a result of a combination of my vision and leadership to develop the project and the work of the staff and clinicians who actually did the work! A true group effort that yielded many benefits to the people we serve in our mental health system. I could not have accomplished this on my own; the clinical team could not have done the project without my direction. As a group; a whole; we achieved our goal! I experienced a feeling of deep satisfaction and meaning. My work with consensus building and team building is not highly regarded in the organization I work in but I decided a long time ago that staying true to my values around team work, respect, clear transparent communication, and compassionate care was the only way I could do my job and create, or try to create, a healthier working mileau for the staff who serve the clients. The staff who do the work need the compassionate care in order to serve and support the clients who need the compassionate care! So the SAMHSA recognition was a true affirmation of the work I am doing with the team I supervise and manage! -
It felt very exposing to read the “Depend On Others” chapter because I am well aware and am guilty of my “do it on my own” mentality. I found it to be a very good reminder of something I have been working on – relying on others and being vulnerable to the fact that they might disappoint me. I am experimenting with what it feels like to be disappointment and be OK with it – not giving it more weight than needed.
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What a great read!
As a foreigner living on US soil, I have noticed the cultural tendency to “celebrate independence” to a high, at times confronting degree. My sense is that this tendency expresses itself to different degrees in different cultures. While it’s definitely true that my own background (Australian) suffers from this, too, the degree to which this feels apparent in the States (in terms of political, institutional, and relational affects) is of a level that I have found to be distressing.
Unsurprisingly, I found this chapter to be a breath of fresh air; it feels like an antidote to this cultural imbalance that pits neighbor against neighbor and denies us the joy and bounty of true interdependence and interconnectedness.
The insight that depending on others is an act of vulnerability struck a chord.
I was also moved by the story of the Mill Valley Zen community. It reminded me of a time when I led a daily meditation at a previous workplace. After months of facilitating meditation for an evolving group of enthusiastic colleagues, I stepped away (due to a family death) and sadly this small but vibrant group routine collapsed. In this specific scenario, the group’s collapse very much felt like a consequence of an inability to depend on others, and I can see that this experience has contributed to my resistance to depend on others… Marc’s story is a heartening reminder that this outcome is not a fait accompli, and that by holding onto this resistance, I am closing myself and those around me to potential growth.
I recognize my leadership style as “visionary.” I often feel a sense of lacking in systems/organizing and some of the other leadership aspects identified in this chapter. This “lack” manifests in self judgement and self pressure to be better in these areas, for the benefit of those who report to me and who I work with. While I do think it’s fair and helpful to want to improve in these areas, this chapter has helped me see that I should also be conscious the line between wanting to do better, and resistance to depending on others (who may have the complimentary strengths that I lack). This is something I intend to explore and work on further in my working relationships. (Thank you!)
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I’ve already found it really valuable to have accountability of my wife for mindfulness practice. I really like the idea of reframing my practice as actually helping others with theirs. I think I do better at helping others than helping myself. So think this is a really good way for me to incorporate regular mindfulness.
I was also struck while reading the chapter by how much depending on others can be an opportunity for them to contribute and to grow — that it’s something they often benefit from as well. I will remind myself of this the next time I find myself reluctance to ask others for help.
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I loved this chapter. I feel there’s a lot I can take from this. I think embracing how I depend on others could really help in developing compassion for the person I find challenging. I don’t think he would be a challenging person for me at all if I didn’t depend on him in the workplace.
As a leader, I am always very aware of my dependence on others and I think that’s an area that requires more explicit acknowledgment – also another way to support psychological safety! So great how all of these things related to one another. -
I will try to loosen my grip on control and empower myself to depend on others and acknowledge and take action even when there is resistance (i.e., have the courage to take action, especially when it’s uncomfortable).
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Of all the questions posed in our session practices, with this one I struggle. By way of brief background, I spent nearly six years of my career at Google mostly on the Mountain View headquarter campus. Roughly 15 years total clocked in consumer mobile and enterprise software. In the intervening few years since those experiences I’ve been an executive coach predominately for operators and investors in those industries. The question that comes up for me here isn’t how I or anyone else would utilize the infinite wisdom found in the “Depend on Others” chapter, it’s why would they? This question has come up in the large Zoom sessions once or twice: what incentive does anyone have in corporate America—much less the tech industry—to show up in the world this way? I would fully concede that my experience in the working world (however unique) is an anecdote. And, at what point does it become something more like empirical? As an investor and coach the past few years, I’ve had the real benefit of crossing paths with many companies, many founders and many execs. The watchword I tend to see isn’t “Depend on Others” but is “Extract from Others”. Examples in the popular media abound. We’re now all well aware of the significant downside impacts of social media on the body politic, our collective consciousness and population level psychological health. Individual after individual has stepped forward from within those organizations to pronounce upon the tangible evidence and data underlying the damage being exacted on us all. What evidence do we have that the key decision makers and folks who could actually do something about that mess rely even slightly on the ethos described in “Depend on Others”? Just this past weekend as an elder U.S. Senator took to one of those social media sites to expound the virtue of collective investment and the idea that the most fortunate—in fact the most obscenely wealthy—among us ought step up to do just a little bit more to ensure that collective investment can occur, the putative “leader” of the industry in which Google is a member suggested that Senator ought die. Literally. I hate to answer a question with more questions, and I do so openly and earnestly. This is not a rhetorical presentation. Because I feel everyone in our group could very quickly agree that the way forward in this world looks something like what’s described in the “Depend on Others” chapter. But how can that be implemented when any one individual’s ability to eat and keep a roof over their and their family’s head is in direct conflict with that choice to show up at work in this fashion?
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This reading gave me a lot to think about. The part that felt like “ouch” was my resistance to rely on others, especially when I don’t feel very sure about my idea even though it is easier to do it with someone else who you can bounce ideas off or check your assumptions. The story about Marc’s community members making space for him was a really powerful anecdote for me about letting go to let yourself in.
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I can definitely be more generous in how I acknowledge others. Telling them that I appreciate their work, and who they are in the world, and what they mean to me. I could also cultivate the practice of joyously depending on others. Welcoming their generosity and desire to work with me, and contribute to my life. By acknowledging them, and depending on them, I can empower them! I think the people in my community would really appreciate that, and welcome it.
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I have been thinking about finding a community to meditate with. It’s very difficult for me to sustain a practice on my own, I go through fits and starts but not a consistent, intentional mindfulness and meditation practice. One of my goals is to find a community coming out of this course to continue to prioritize meditating. The other is bringing this into my meetings with others and having mindful meetings and interactions with others.
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I found the chapter very thought-provoking. The overall theme of the importance of depending on others struck home. I’ve too often tried to do things myself thinking this to be of benefit to others. I’ve been trying more to bring in a sense of the importance of getting as well as giving help into my life and how this is important for me and others both professionally and personally. I have been reflecting that I am very motivated by leaders who I have worked for who have been explicit with others about how you can really help them and I am trying to bring in on my own style more.
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