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3.3 | How might you utilize what you read in the chapter “Depend on Others” from Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader?
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Depend on others to help you help others, and to help you grow in awareness. When you are open to others, they teach you how they want you to help. It puts you on a bit of a constant learning curve as you bend to understand and meet their needs – needs you learned because you LISTENED carefully (dare I say-mindfully! We have come full circle from our first meeting where we focused on Mindfullness of Listening!). It opens you up to vulnerability as they see you as a “normal” person – just like them – a mentor who makes mistakes, a mentor who sometimes doesn’t know what to do! It exposes you to their expectations, their “othering,” especially if their expectations are consistent with a more tyrannical hierarchical leadership paradigm. So depending on others is to depend on them to teach me where the friction is – where do I need to examine my discomfort and why. What will I tolerate from them? What are my boundaries and my bandwidth?
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This made what I love about working on teams much more explicit which is helpful to keep in mind.
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I found a lot of this insightful and illuminating about my own habits. I’ve found it very hard to be told I have good ideas and then forced to allow them to be molded by a group, losing sight of my vision. While a part of me understands that the additional input is enriching and often exciting, it has started to feel like I am really seeking a way to feel like I am able to stand on my own two feet and create something that feels like it reflects my competence. I’m trying to distance myself from this as I feel like it’s hindering my full embodiment of the leadership roles I’ve often been given, as I am resistant to depend on others out of fear of being represented by others. At least when I submit work and take sole credit I can know the in’s and out’s of why I made the choices I did. When I have to take accountability with/for a group, it feels harder to do.
I’ve never been shy about asking for help, but I tend to just let ambitions dissolve before it gets to the point where I would have to fully collaborate with others over this fear. This is perfectionism talking, and accepting that I cannot control every aspect of anything unless I’m ok existing in a state of chronic burnout is critical. Other’s are good, visionary and can be trusted if I allow it to happen.
I think my biggest implementation from this section is the focus of 3.4, so I will answer more there!
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To really listen without judgement; but also willing to ask for help when I am feeling the sting of pain and vulnerability.
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I loved this chapter. Depending on others at work is challenging for me in general and especially at work. I feel responsible for my department and the thousands of students that we serve. This semester, we had 2,000 students enrolled in our department’s courses. As the contact for scheduling, student concerns and disputes, I often feel isolated. This chapter reminded me to seek out mentors and teachers with similar values beyond my college and personal sphere.
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It reminds me to both learn from leaders and seek mentors as well as consider how I can support and listen those on my team or across organization.
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I was in a Covid 19 carantene and had to delegate all tasks to others in the team (taking care of a positive family member, now all healthy and well). As the Mill Valley Zen group I saw initiative by a few team members I had asked for, but perhaps not “stepped aside” for emerge.
The pandemic has made me very grateful for everyone from store clerks, to taxi drivers, to restaurant workers, in a whole new way. Even the truck drivers, previously out of mind, who deliver the groceries is essential so we can have food to buy in the store. We are all dependent on everyone else.
This article again had my favorite term, psychological safety, and reminded me to let go and delegate and depend on others for a team and project to succeed.
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I am supported in this reading to remember that I am not alone and to include others expands my heart.
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This chapter made me sit with the discomfort of how much I resist depending on others. I often expect that people will let me down. I am sure a lot of this has to do with childhood experiences that I haven’t fully unpacked. I wonder how much of a self-fulfilling prophecy I create when I think I cannot depend on people both personally and professionally.
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Depending on others sounds so simple, and conceptually I understand I am a part of a team and we all rely on each other, but in practice it really made me realize how much of a perfectionist I am. And though I’m not critical of my team, my own desire to do my own tasks as just so has really been standing in my way. I need to start to recognize that there will always be a handoff at some point and I need to start feeling more comfortable just delegating tasks at an earlier point. This will allow me to better demonstrate my trust in my team and allow them to take more ownership of their work further empowering them to also reach out for help as needed.
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I found the concept of depending on others to be profound in its simplicity, and something that I will endeavour to remember as I grow as a leader. One of the things that came to mind in thinking about this was the importance of letting the “others” know what you need, what you expect, and letting them know in ways that they are able to understand and and integrate into their workflows (for lack of a better word). For me this might mean, letting people know what I need – not in the moment when I have been disappointed by not getting it, but in those moments when I can skillfully communicate my needs. It might also mean saying what I need more than once, making a habit of saying what I need – and appreciating people’s efforts in this area. I do know that when I let go and allow myself to really depend on others – it is empowering and creates opportunities for growth – for all of us.
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