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4.2 | Notice your source of power as agency or “power with” not “power over.” Does this affect the relational field? What have you noticed about the ecology of your personal power, your sharing of power, and when you empower others? Post insights.
Below, you will see the Session #4 reflection questions. Please answer these questions at the bottom of the screen.
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40 Replies
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I’ve always had a level of discomfort with “power over” and far more comfort in “power with”, so this has not dramatically shifted my relational field. HOWEVER, learning about this as an explicit approach, with terms (“power with”) has re-energized my approach to leadership, and empowered me to take on a leadership opportunity in my agency that I would not have taken on had it not been for taking this course!
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When I coach others, I expand my field of power and expand their power to act. This then, with time, has the ability to decrease my workload and have a positive impact on my own personal ecology as well as smooth out and spread out my power ecology. This may free up time for me to move into other areas to help the business thrive, so that I am less working “in” my business, but “on” my business.
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I am definitely more of a “power with” person than “power over” though I work in an organization that is more dominated by “power over” types. I think this aspect affects the relational field with my colleagues who can see “power with” type of behaviors as weak. I feel I need to more carefully distribute “power with” behaviors to those who are subordinate to me and shift to more power over to those superior to me in the hierarchy. this constant shifting back and forth can feel disruptive relationally
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As a faculty member whose role is to hold space for learners I appreciate the shift from power over to power with. This is my natural leadership style, I am comfortable being beside people, and will sometimes move them forward so they can see just how brilliant I think they can be. I will encourage and inspire as they work through tasks, I make myself available and rephrase questions to here how they are thinking about an issue. I don’t work in a typical organization so my role with graduate students is my lens for this course.
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I try to be very clear about everybody’s positional power, after decades of making mistakes because I was afraid to claim my own. I’ve found that being frank about positional power helps me understand when I’m coming at an issue from a controlling mindset (power over) and getting in the way of the potential of power with. As I get older, I’m relieved to find that it’s easier to let go of my way of doing things; I’m enjoying watching younger staff figure out paths on their own, and I learn so much from them. When I can relax and be led by others, my overall relational field becomes more relaxed, as well.
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I have noticed this month that much of my sense of leadership comes from a previous job where it was conferred as part of the position. I was comfortable with it as part of that role, but now find myself unsure as to weather it was just position based or something I can own separate from that job. In my current position it doesn’t feel like it’s translating well and I find myself mired in doubt. That said, I’m always more comfortable with a ‘power with’ approach and enjoy collaborating as equals on projects and programs. The challenge is when the power on a team is undefined and it’s not clear if I should step up and make decisions when no one else does and/or define and assign the tasks needed to complete the project. Or if I should sit back and give someone else the space. I suppose the question is how to have a conversation about the issue so things are clear and then move forward from there.
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My organizational power is largely in volunteer roles, helping to provide direction and coordination among other volunteers. I think that I under-estimated the power that is still available in “power with” situations. There are situations where others are delegating their voice to you, and it is being a better steward of the impact they are intending to step up and take a position rather than shrink back with the concern that there may be one or two who dissent. I have been more flexible in delegating, with good results.
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I feel that I have been trying to open up a lot more over the days and more influence than using my “Power over” some things. Active listening is a beautiful exercise for that.
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Hmm this is a tricky one. I’d like to think that I am aware of my “power with” and use it in an appropriate manner, but sometimes I am unsure. I am relatively direct and like to keep things moving, which can empower people but also sometimes bulldoze them. Since our last session, I’ve tried to pause and listen more before moving forward and sharing my more “cheerleading” power, and instead tap into my power of holding space.
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I definitely lean into ‘power with’ and am uncomfortable with ‘power over’ even when it might be more expected, appropriate, efficient or useful. I am constantly trying to build collective power, building a movement to create change, making it so that I am not necessary. I struggle sometime with knowing when it is appropriate to be decisive and make decisions for everyone vs. when collectible power building and decision making is appropriate. It’s a balance I think I need to strike better. I also lean into more matriarchy leadership (more collective power building and sharing) rather than patriarchal )(traditional hierarchy)
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In my role as a therapist working with personal power and agency both my own and my clients’ is a constant and subtle process. Never perfect, always relational and evolving. “Power with” is the goal, the way there is a lot of personal and relational work. Right now “power with” shows up most parenting teenagers. I am stepping out of the power over role with them that was meant to keep them safe and parented as kids and much more into a power with relationship now that they are becoming their own free agents.
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I have always experienced a rather “self-effacing” relationship to power. I do not seek it, do not really want it, and whenever I gain awareness of wielding any, I feel profoundly responsible for how I deploy it. Over the past few years I have cultivated a collaborative, inclusive and ecumenical approach to leadership, and to the power dynamics that this engenders. Our discussion of leadership as coaching resonated with me as it closely described how I envision my role whenever I am in a position of power: to lead by empowering, in a collaborative environment, towards fostering and facilitating all involved to become their best selves, as they envision themselves to be. Power, for me, is always a burden, but one that I often feel I ought to carry because I have skills and abilities that are needed there and then, to the benefit of all present. I am also very keen to relinquish it as soon as the task is done – I believe that I am not the ideal candidate for leadership roles in all instances and for all situations.
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When I apply practices oriented towards “power with”, I can address people’s needs and develop greater compassion and connection. On the other hand, when I use power over, there is a tendency to focus on what’s not working, what this person is lacking, or what they need to change. This vision of separate interests is not as effective as the idea of teamwork.
As an educator, I’m always interested in learning from my students and joining them in the discovery process. When we bring our efforts together, there is opportunity to do more and grow in the process by sharing and connecting deeply.
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I am learning to work with different parts of self which in the past I identified as difficult or even impossible to work with. As I grow in understanding of these parts and how if I don’t they “rule over” my actions in one way or another I see the same process unfolding on the outside. The same awareness that I get to reach for within to mend those parts and relate in my own lunacy is the strength I get to tap into in order to transform personal power on the outside. I used to think that I had to hide everything I didn’t like about myself or the world on a dark corner and focus on the light. Light, light, light galore and then get dominated by the underlying darkness of my own denial. As this internal merging takes place and the surrender needed for that to happen I show up in the relational field with an authenticity I’ve never been able to experience before. As I feel connected with self and grounded in reality, power is already given not something to run after and this feeling of contentment is what we’re all after so it really supports relationships in all areas because what once was discouraging or a set back now is an exciting opportunity for growth that I have no control over but enough acceptance to allow myself to go through.
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I feel much less comfortable with “power over” rather than “power with.” There are some scenarios where “power over” might need to happen, but I veer towards trying everything else first.
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