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4.2 | Notice your source of power as agency or “power with” not “power over.” Does this affect the relational field? What have you noticed about the ecology of your personal power, your sharing of power, and when you empower others? Post insights.
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I found this one to be quite tricky. It’s true that people respond best when using “power with”. I want to use my role power as rarely as I can.
Yet it’s also true that there is a power dynamic at play with people whose job depends on me. I ignore that at everyones peril.
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I love the framing of “power with” not “power over.” It’s clear that exercising power with is an effective way to empower—and I have seen the positive results in my team in terms of building team members’ self confidence, openness, and mutual trust. In my years in management I can recognize that I have gradually and consistently shifted from “power over” (which was an established norm at a previous workplace) to “power with” (which just works better, for everyone). In short: I wish this was a perspective I had gained sooner!
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Empowering others is an exciting process. As a therapist, I work to empower my clients to love themselves, face their demons, and heal themselves. From my own lessons learned around healing my own wounds, I have been able to empower myself to empower others. And learning to work with the energy of empowering others, I learned about my own power. Power with is about using the relationship, the interaction with another. There is a flow between people that happens. It can be healing or it can be destructive. It is important to be aware of one’s power and abiity to influence others and attend to the healing aspects of power; creating positive forces of energy. As well as the power differential in relationships; in hierarchies, there are some above me with power over me and there are some below me, where I have power “Over”. With those whom I have power over, I prefer to work with using the “power with” model. Engage and empower; rather impose upon. As a woman, and a latina woman, I am very attuned to the power differential in the world. Women have come a long way. But they still have a ways to go. the same for latinos. There are many disparities in the world based on gender and color; it important to recognize these in order to transform them and continue to heal them. MEtta is a great strategy.
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I came to this practice without a team and with the need to develop one. The acknowledgement of my agency in “power with” is a lovely lit path to embark on. I have been the stand alone, do it yourself, no need for other humans business person. The beauty of the opening to the path of grand collaboration is inspirational.
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I lean into new states of unknowing, much preferring “power with” over “power over.” As a teacher in educational settings, I am excited to learn how each participant/student comes with a different expertise and beginner’s mind: simultaneously. Facilitating spaces that enable relational exchanges opens new possibilities for everyone, myself included. I sense this agency moving beyond mere problem-solving, seeking answers, or accomplishing of tasks — to reframe how broader problems arose, to ask new questions, to facilitate more collaborative, inclusive methods — and build trust, compassion, reflection, creativity, hope.
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I believe someone else mentioned this but one of the most helpful things is learning phrasing that helps express your goals. “Power with” is something I speak about often with my organization as we’re focused on anti-capitalist work and thus speak with people about “people power” but having the alternative example of “power over” vs “power with” is a another helpful reframe and way to explain how I don’t think any of us do anything on our own, even when it really seems as if we have.
There is a concept called the locus of power and in mental health spaces it refers to how a person feels about their personal power to control their lives. When doing this exercise I had a thought that perhaps a lot of people felt like our organization’s dynamics were focused on a “power over” model because, like me, without direct and intense first hand control and work it felt like I had little control over my role within projects. I feel like I will bring this up in meetings more and ask how people might feel more supported in “feeling like they know what they’re doing” and that they had equal power with others in the group.
I also feel like I’ve got lots of work to do around personal self-worth and how I struggle with allowing others in on projects because it feels like they will have power over something very personal and that I will lose sight of myself with a “power with” model. Perhaps this is trauma from having projects, ideas and other things steam rolled over for the sake of a forced “unity” previously, without credit given where credit was due. Much to uncover!
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The lack of formal power that comes in my role makes this a bit more challenging to play with directly. I do feel I have been more aware of my informal influence and how I can build trust, psychological safety, and empower my peers.
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Sitting with the idea of power with – even in the face of people’s perceptions of power over. It could almost be a mantra to help refocus me – power with and what that means in my day-to-day. I am so often hyper aware of being the one in charge and how that impacts how people receive what I say or don’t say/ do or don’t do. Have been trying to increase my awareness of how I might be silencing myself because of my mind twisting in this way – the need to step back and be a neutral observer. What does make sense to ME in this moment – devoid of my fear of how I may be perceived in terms of my role-based authority. How to develop skills to articulate the intention of holding power with not having power over. I have made assumptions in the past of what people might understand and think the labeling of actions and intentions can be powerful in changing perceptions. I have a staff person describe how I lead as being power with rather than power over – and I need to interrogate what they see.
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This has been such a beautiful shift for me since our last session. The concept of “power with” has made me reflect so much about power being a good thing that can grow stronger for good when shared with others. We are practicing a shared leadership and decision making practice at my organization and it has been transformative.
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I love the sense of “power with” and how it brings up a sense of collective action rather than what I need to get done. I think relationally this takes pressure off me and invites others in an in a way that is motivating and trust-building. I have noticed that I try and share and empower others with my power but there are also moments when I am resistant to doing this which drives pressure on me with all the consequences of that on my being and effectiveness.
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I am not currently working on a leadership role, but just overall in my relationships clearly whenever I let go of “my power” and “my view” and listen more deeply and empower those around me, they trust me more and we work better together.
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I tend to focus on influence rather than the idea of power. Through building strong relationships with people across various teams, people consider me a trusted partner (so “power with” at play), which positions me to influence decision-making. This approach keeps me on the team and avoids a hierarchy situation that comes into play when operating from “power over.”
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Of course, power with is more powerful, because the collective or the unified will allow for more or better results. When I choose to empower others, as a shared experience, the experience is widespread; as opposed to a localized experience.
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I find that when I can create the space for others to contribute and feel empowered we can achieve much more together. For me this often means stepping back and supporting others to step forward.
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The phrase “power with” for me highlights the reality that I am dependent on those who I lead. Working with this in mind, I ask more questions, I ask for permission, I ask “does this work for you?” I’m energized to seek ideas and the knowledge/expertise of others.
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