This Messy, Gorgeous Love
Enroll NowAn 8-Week Buddhist Course · Starts April 23
This Messy,
Gorgeous Love
The Dharma and Partnership
A Buddhist Path Through the Rough and Radiant Terrain of Love
🔥 First 100 spots: Save $100 — from $399
What if nothing is wrong with your relationship?
What if the tension, the misunderstandings, the moments of irritation—are not signs of failure… but expressions of two human beings trying to love each other?
The Quiet Question Many People Carry
"Is Something Wrong With Us?"
Many couples don't say it out loud. But they feel it.
Why does this feel harder than we thought it would?
Why do we keep repeating the same patterns?
Why do small moments escalate so quickly?
Why does love sometimes feel tender and raw at the same time?
We are often told that healthy relationships should feel mostly steady.
So when conflict arises, we assume: Maybe we're incompatible. Maybe we're failing. Maybe we're doing it wrong.
This course begins with a relieving shift:
Difficulty in love is not a mistake.
It is part of conditioned life.
Two nervous systems. Two attachment histories. Two evolving identities.
Of course there will be friction.
The question is not how to eliminate it.
The question is how to work with it.
What Makes This Different
A Buddhist Lens on Partnership
This is not a communication technique. It is not a compatibility test. It is not a promise of permanent harmony.
We begin with dukkha—the understanding that unsatisfactoriness is woven into human life.
When we stop trying to make relationship smooth, we begin to suffer less inside it.
Over eight weeks, you will learn how to:
Listen deeply without fixing or defending
Recognize activation before escalation
Extend your heart without losing yourself
Navigate autonomy and closeness
Repair rupture skillfully
Cultivate joy that coexists with impermanence
This is meditation applied to real arguments.
Compassion applied to irritation.
Awareness applied to attachment.
A Moment of Reflection
How Do You Meet Love?
Five questions to illuminate your current relationship patterns—no judgment, just awareness.
This short reflection explores how you currently
navigate conflict, emotion, and intimacy.
There are no wrong answers—only honest ones.
Question 1 of 5
What Changes
When You Stop Trying to
"Get It Right"
When you accept that partnership will never be static:
You stop chasing permanent harmony.
You stop pathologizing every disagreement.
You stop demanding that love feel calm all the time.
Instead, you begin to:
- Normalize activation
- Pause sooner
- Repair faster
- Speak truth with steadiness
- Experience joy without clinging
Secure attachment is not a fixed state.
It is a dance.
And the dance becomes more workable.
More honest. More alive.
Course Journey
The 8-Week Path
Each 90-minute session includes teaching, guided meditation, reflection, and practical exercises.
Weeks 1–2
Reorienting
You'll explore why relationships are inherently rough—and how accepting that truth reduces suffering.
Relief often begins here.
Weeks 3–4
Building Capacity
You'll strengthen deep listening, emotional regulation, compassion with boundaries, and balance between autonomy and connection.
These capacities create steadiness.
Weeks 5–6
Working with Conflict
You'll learn your conflict style, how anxious and avoidant patterns show up, how to pause before escalation, and the art of rupture and repair.
Conflict becomes less frightening—and more workable.
Weeks 7–8
Integration & Joy
You'll cultivate playfulness, ritual, appreciation of impermanence, and sustainable relational practices.
Love lightens—without becoming shallow.
Your Teachers
Guided by Experience & Practice
devon hase
Insight Meditation teacher & author
devon has been practicing meditation since 2000, with over six cumulative years in retreat across the Insight and Vajrayāna traditions. A graduate of Spirit Rock's Community Dharma Leaders program and IMS's Teacher Training Program, she now co-coordinates Spirit Rock's CDL program. She teaches on retreat teams at IMS, Spirit Rock, and centers internationally. devon and nico co-authored How Not to Be a Hot Mess and their new book, This Messy Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership.
nico hase
Meditation Teacher & Counseling Psychologist, PhD
nico has been walking this path since 1994, with more than six years in silent retreat across Insight, Zen, and Vajrayāna settings. He spent six years at Crestone Mountain Zen Center and most recently completed a three-year meditation retreat with devon. He earned a PhD in counseling psychology at UW–Madison and studies closely with Joseph Goldstein in the One Dharma Vipassanā tradition. He teaches retreats nationally and leads an annual series exploring the pāramīs—qualities of an awakened heart.
What Participants Often Discover
I thought something was wrong with us. Now I understand we're human.
We still disagree — but we repair more quickly.
The pressure to get it right dropped, and that changed everything.
I feel more tenderness for my partner and for myself.
This course does not eliminate difficulty.
It changes your relationship to difficulty.
And that shift changes everything.
Is This For You?
This course is for you if…
Couples who love each other but feel stuck
You're not on the verge of breaking up—but the same patterns keep repeating, and you're both tired.
Individuals exploring how they show up in love
You don't need to be in a relationship right now. This course meets you wherever you are in your relational life.
Meditators curious about relational practice
You have a personal practice but want to bring mindfulness off the cushion and into the messiness of partnership.
Course Details
What's Included
Days
8 sessions,
once a week
Format
Class Series
Time
Thursdays, 6pm – 7:30pm PDT
Session Dates
Includes
- Live teaching
- Guided meditation
- Relational exercises
- Weekly integration invitations
- Lifetime access to recordings
Couples are warmly welcome to attend together. Many participants join individually and find the practices transformative.
Enroll
Join the Course
Pay in Full
8-Week Online Course
- 8 live 90-minute sessions
- Guided meditation each week
- Relational exercises & reflections
- Weekly integration invitations
- Lifetime access to recordings
Payment Plan
8-Week Online Course
- 8 live 90-minute sessions
- Guided meditation each week
- Relational exercises & reflections
- Weekly integration invitations
- Lifetime access to recordings
Questions? Reach out—we're happy to help.
Common Questions
FAQ
No. Many people participate individually and integrate the practices into their relationship with meaningful impact.
If there is ongoing harm or abuse, individual or couples therapy is strongly recommended. This course is not a substitute for clinical care.
This course does not promise harmony. It offers tools and practices to navigate the reality of human partnership with more steadiness and compassion.
No. All practices will be guided and accessible.
We understand that plans can change, and we’re here to help.
- If you need to cancel before the course begins, we’ll provide a refund with just a $25 cancellation fee.
- For cancellations made by the end of day on May 1, we’ll happily refund your payment, keeping only a $99 course fee.
- After May 1, we’re unable to offer refunds. Thank you for your understanding.
To assist you with your cancellation, please reach out to us directly at courses@spiritrock.org. We’ll take care of the process for you.
If you have any questions, we’re here to support you. You can reach us by emailing courses@spiritrock.org
Scholarships are very limited and reserved for those who are truly experiencing financial hardship. Click here to apply.
Love will never be perfectly stable.
But it can become steadier
More honest
More workable
More awake
If you feel drawn to explore partnership through the lens of Dharma,
you are warmly invited to join us.
